Former San Francisco Mayor,Gavin Newsome, is taking his show on the road.

The improvising puppet ensemble, "John Cage Memorial Marionette Touring Theatre" will take off next week on 135-city U.S. tour of abandoned copier shops. This report came from Gavin Newsome, former pole dancer and mayor of San Francisco. Newsome, recently shamed by an illicit affair with former mayor Willy Brown's hat, has left his post as mayor and decided to act as tour manager/dresser for this ground breaking tour. "I'm through with politics", said the swarthy and sexually ambiguous former mayor, "and marionettes? That shit is hot right now. Improvisational marionette theater is extremely hard to perform and rarely interesting for the audience, but the thought of spending time in all those creepy old copier shops is kinda exciting for us. "

The 1,202 city tour, crossing every state in the U.S. some three or four times, is the first of its kind. The groud-breaking marionette troupe will play only at abandoned copier shops, desktop publishing custom programs on the spot for patrons. Audiences will be encouraged to drop off mail and packages, which the troupe will then deliver.

"We want to create as much of a feel of a working copier shop as possible", states 2nd Marionettist, Duncan Endpaper "It'd seem pointless for us to have spent all this time tracking down these sad, ugly little venues without referencing the experience somehow."

"We wanted to encourage people to both write letters and watch some improvisational Marionette theater,"Endpaper added. "It just seemed like the right time to put that dual-message into action."

Wherever a venue's original cashier wrap is intact, the group will be using the counter space to sell t-shirts, cannabis-club brownies, energy drinks and crudely sculpted nude minuatures based on whatever audience members are in attendance at any given show.

"Dwayne, our driver, will be busting out small sculptures of interesting looking audience members", Endpaper explained "He's not really good at sculpting... he tends to focus on noses, breasts, buttocks and penises. But we'll be heading into some pretty creative arty towns, so we might be able to cage him some art lessons as we roll. Late in the tour, he should be pretty fucking great at sculpting and what not."

Condoms will also be provided gratis.

Canadian and Puppet Groupie, Leonard Cohen

"Marionettes are sexy" Leonard Cohen, Canadian heart throb and tour hanger-on opined "The puppets make me wanna fuck, real good."

The troupe is cutting corners by staying at Montessori pre-schools across the country. Lakshmi Bettendorf, troupe string waxer explains:

"It was a no-brainer -- no one uses those spaces in the middle of the night, and those vinyl nap mats are just going to waste. And the veritable Golden Horde of juice boxes! I think we can say that this will be the first national tour we've been on where not one member will have to be taken to the emergency room for dehydration. Puppeteers sweat like pigs."

The troup is optimistic about audience turnout for this tour. With the success of shows such "Make Me a Marionette Star America!" and "Amusements for Poor Sicilians", marionettes, particularly experimental marionette theater, has been pegged as the latest "IT" thing. Large media companies are in a veritable arms race to sign Marionette troupes to their rosters, launching the careers of superstar troupes such as 2 Live Marionette Posse and LOS STRING TEAM!

But Duncan Endpaper see Marionetteering as the path to something far more sublime that the shiny baubles that Hollywood may offer:"Marionettes -- and puppeteering in general -- has certainly gotten trendy. I think 2008 will be the year of the Marionette. We've been approached by certain pop stars, sad people hunting for some glimmer of relevance. But experimental marionette theater isn't just something you can buy your way into. You need... you need the aficion."

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