Greg Mills can also be found at the BASTARD OF AND ART AND COMMERCE.  

Udo, I do-o!

1. In Tombstone, Arizona, the Town Too Tough To Die, Udo Kier was named “Honorary Chief Sexecutioner” by unanimous vote of the city council.

2. The musk of a civet-like gland located at the top Udo Kier’s gluteal crease is the secret ingredient in Honeycomb Farm’s Frozen Yogurt.

3. Like a bird, Udo Kier makes number one and number two out of one orifice.

4. Udo Kier’s tongue has a crude light sensing organ at its tip.

5. As a licensed Ombudsman, Udo Kier has been known to leave mid-orgy in order to provide equitable and objective advice to aggrieved parties.

7. A yacht was found adrift off Corfu. It’s only occupant: a jabbering and blood soaked Udo Kier, wearing only mascara and a sailor’s cap.

8. In a word association exercise with his therapist, Udo Kier’s response to “butterfly” was “rubber pants”.

9. Udo Kier served with distinction as a comptroller in the US Coast Guard.

10. Using only a case of Krystal, Udo Kier put out a house fire, saving a family of six.

11. For every hit of nitrous sold anywhere in the world, Udo Kier receives around half a cent, US.

12. The nomads of the landlocked Gobi Desert have a word for “shark” and that word is “Udokier”

13. Udo Kier is the director of a Waldorf preschool in San Anselmo, California.

14. During the making of Spermula, Udo Kier picked up a lifelong passion for collecting Nagel prints.

15. Udo Kier’s perfect mouth has only one flaw: the small white scar on his upper lip where Betty White bit him.

16. The b-side of the Band-Aid single, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is three minutes of Udo Kier describing the deformities of a whore he had in Tangiers

17. Udo Kier is a Realtor® who is eager to help you find the house that suits your needs. He is also bisexual.

18. In “The Bodyguard”, all Whitney Houston’s dialogue was dubbed by Udo Kier. Udo Kier is very professional, so he’d probably deny if you asked him, but read the credits, it’s right there: Ms. Houston’s Dialogue……… Udo Kier

19. Like former Doobie Brother Jeffrey 'Skunk' Baxter, Udo Kier is a missile defense expert par excellence. The two often share a hotel room when providing testimony before the Defense Committee of the US Senate.

20. Udo Kier has had your Mom, and frankly, she creeped him out. Sorry you had to find out from a blog.

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