The Derby Dolls take and shove it  for one more spin May 3 for the Championship of the world.  Don’t miss it.  Bring Cash (no debit cards).

The LA Sports scene leaves something to be desired.

Kobe Bryant is a spoiled crybaby. Nomar phones it in.  Joe Torre has yet to impress me. I can’t name a single Kings player. I  DO seem to remember something about the Anaheim Ducks winning something.  Oh and there hasn’t been a football team for a decade and a half. If we didn’t have the AVP, I’d have to move.

Dull, complacent, limp-- that’s the LA Sports Scene. Until now.

Leave it to a bunch of gals to bring some ball bearings into this struggling sports town. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the LA DERBY DOLLS.

Somewhere in the back of your head you probably remember seeing hardened women of the 70’s ,80’s and 90’s  on right before the Sunday afternoon movie. Ya know they were slammed into the , “cheapo local tv station what the hell do we put in here?” time slot.  Dressed in short shorts with Aquanetted Farrah hair tucked under a helmet, these women would roll around the ring occasionally knocking each other down in a campy good time. 

Well, this ain’t yo mama’s roller girl.

Even if you don’t know every exact rule, the passion of the fans and the athletes is an undeniable kinetic flame.  The sport moves furiously as each of these Dolls put a buck into every bang, making it one of the most fun spectator sports out there.  The crowd breathes right into the competition. The viewer gets drawn into the spectacle and the Dolls never let you loose.

They have stripped the bimbo and incorporated a tongue-in-chic punk feminism of the sport. They define their own  sexiness. They have been drawn into three teams of hotness, strength and and yes, fighting. 

Adorned in tattoos and suicide girl fantasy uniforms, these dolls play bare knuckler style.  They pound hard around and the ring (known as the Doll House) and ignite the crowd.  And, yeah, they are much more aggressive than their Charlie’s Angels predecessors.  When they get knocked down, there is no crying to the ref (Kobe?)… they do something amazing. 

They get back up.

How bout that!  What an amazing example for the youth of America!

The teams are divided into the Tough Cookies (the UNDEFEATED GirlScouts), Fight Crew (Stewardesses) and the SIRENS (Cops). Gone are the hot pants in favor of school girl short skirts and ripped fishnets.

Their MySpace pages are covered in the tough girl scowls of the players.  These by day art directors, actresses and librarians  give way to their alter-egos of  Laguna Beeyach, Titty Titty Bang Bang, Axels of EvilCrystal Deth and Judy Gloom once a month to rock the Doll House.  (I AM a Weapon of Mass Destruction),

As far as professional and underground events go,  this is one of the best run cirque du especiales out there. It’s almost as if the planners sat around and said “What sucks about going to events?” and got rid of it. The first thing you will notice is that the Dolls have pretty much done away with the LA concept of “Waiting in Line is Fun!” When you arrive you are greeted by about 20 Dolls all with a “will call” sheet in hand.   While it did get bunched up a bit a half and hour before the opening, by game time there was not a single soul waiting to get in.  Once you are in, there are no less than 5 bartenders with rolling coolers filled with ice and $5 beer. For those of us in the greater Metro area we know this a bargain.  Recently at a Dodger game I missed 3 innings waiting for a $12 beer. Four runs crossed the plate.  Even on slow days at Chavez Ravine,  the Dodgers cut the staff to ensure long lines. 

One way you can tell the Dollhouse is run by women… plenty of ultra clean port-a-potties accompanied by a large Purell Station.  The only gripes I had was the “no camera” policy, (pictures swiped from various myspace pages) which I assume is done for safety, and a lack of food.  While there is a Hot Dog On A Stick and Taco truck outside,  a man of my size needs a bit more sustenance on the fly.

Underneath the bad girl exterior, these gals also have a heart.  They are currently putting together roller camps for teen gals.

So if you can handle watching REAL competitive sports… get ya ass on down to historic Filipino town.

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