Crappy Romantic Dinner Advice from the Internet |
Written by Dave Crackpot | |||
When it comes to romance, there is a lot of crappy advice on these internets. While researching a romantic dinner recipe, I came across the following. From NZGIRL (Is that short for Nazi Girl?) ADVICE ON COOKING HIM A ROMANTIC DINNER Despite the temptation to make a dish with a huge wow factor, you’re generally best to stick to what you know. Your beautiful self and the romantic atmosphere will impress him whether you serve oysters or spaghetti bolognaise, so don’t cause yourself too much stress – anything you’ll both enjoy is perfect! Wrong.Wrong. Wrong. Oysters are WAY too easy to fuck up. Don’t serve them unless you are trained professional or want something unexpected in your lap. Go with shrimp, steak for the veggie guy throw some veggies on the Foreman with BBQ spices (not sauce!). Spaghetti Bolognaise… my ass. Doesn’t matter what you call it, it says something “Chef Boyardee” about you. From: EHOW . This one’s awesome, if your man is a lipstick lesbian Instructions
I only like soft background music at funerals. Cue the Prince, Coltrane, Davis or Coleman (the guy who gave Carrie Underwood the Grammy). Regarding “soft lighting” -- know the difference between soft and dark. You’re my girl, I want to see you.
I don’t know what any of these things are.
Sexy is always good, matching bra and panties at least.
Good advice but impractical for women. Remember the phone call Paris Hilton took in the sex tape?
A man wants a cocktail. Give him a man’s drink, martini, manhattan, etc. Give him something to loosen his tie to. Think about it, what would George Clooney want? Dessert should be served on the floor. Don’t go too heavy on the chocolate.. it’s make us go to sleep after.
Aaaaaahhhhh! There is nothing that will make a man more uncomfortable than listening to a poem written by you or, worse, someone else. . Movies are not a good idea to make us feel romantic. Do I really have to slave through “When Harry Met Sally” AGAIN? “Casablanca” is good though, but we are thinking about killing Nazis at the end. In any case, a movie is two hours long and can be a mood breaker. Dancing cheek-to-cheek? What is this, 1940?
I don’t know what lavender smells like. You want to entice a man… replace “each other” with “him”
There should have been a blowjob somewhere is Step 10
AND NOW THE KING OF BAD ADVICE ON THE INTERNET:Vinny is SO SMOOVE. It hurts me to know these folks are out there. By the way, not even the dumbest girl is going to fall for the Chinese take-out on a plate bit. From Romancepedia THIRD DATE: Personalized Fortune Cookies... Invite her to your place and order some Chinese take-out --then transfer all of that good Oriental cousine to some nice table dishes instead of serving it out of the cartons. However, here is a very creative idea that is really going to get her attention... Her Cookie 3. Use a tweezers to pull the fortunes out of the cookies and then carefully fold and push your personalized fortunes in to the cookies. You won't be able to place it in just the way the original fortunes had been from end to end but, by folding them twice, you'll be able to get them in all the way. Jesus, people. So here is my advice. Know the person. Know what they like. Cook what you know. Have fun. Put in some effort. The greatest aphrodisiac is having a good time, not oysters. Laugh. Play music you like. And most of all remember.. you are sexy. The most romantic times in my life have been unplanned. They have come from an off comment, a truly selfless act, a moment of spontaneity, something that cracks me up for no reason. It has nothing to do with Show Stopping numbers. It’s about the little things she does without even knowing it. Oh and clip your toenails and wash your sheets. Chick dig that.
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