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Comicon 2005, Hanging Out With Ed the Maniac, and How I Almost Died!
Words and Photos by m. lecrivain
I got up early and was ready by 7 AM.
Ed called, and told me:
A) he'd been up ALL night working on his script to flog at the Comicon.
B) he would be late because the printer function on his computer wasn't behaving.
So... Ed didn't get my house until 9:30 AM (this from the man who wanted to leave at 5 AM, and he didn't even apologize for being late). After he showed up, he plopped himself down on my sofa and demanded,
"So, what, don't you even have any coffee?"
I had made coffee earlier for me, but upon hearing that almost wanted to say, "the kitchen is CLOSED!" Yet, I made him a cup of coffee while I was waiting for my computer to finish a virus scan, and then printed out directions to get to:
A) A Washington Mutual so he could use the ATM.
B) How to get to the Comicon.
We actually didn't get on the road until 11 AM, between trying to get money and driving through a Carl’s Jr. staffed by what Ed dubbed '"indifferent morons." Conversation was ok, but he kept confusing names. Example: we were discussing my former roommate, who he called "Erin," instead of "Erik." He managed to remember Jen’s name, but when we were discussing her bi-polar disorder, he kept calling her
"crazy" and "psychotic"....sigh...After 45 minutes of driving we switched places so he could nap.
If you are going to drive to San Diego for ANY event, expect to spend the last 85 miles in gridlock. If you look to your right, it's very pretty shoreline. If you look to your left you’ll see sand dunes, and the occasional "watch out for illegal alien families crossing the free-way" signs. After 10 miles either way it becomes soporific.
Finally at 2:45 PM, we arrived. I found parking three blocks away from the convention center. Three blocks=$12.00. We walked over to registration - and into a costume extravaganza.
 Favorite costumes:
A) Mini-Me Darth Vader - a small boy/girl(?) wearing the full DV costume, including the adult version of the mask (which is why I am not sure what the gender was), trying valiantly to brandish a three-foot light-saber while trying to keep up with his/her big sister, who was dressed in 'good' Jedi Robes.
B) The Willy Wonka Man with the Golden Ticket - too much pancake make-up, but his teeth were beautiful - and this Willy Wonka was almost 7 ft tall.
C) The Transformer Trio: Three men wearing at least 60 lbs of metal (each), silver make-up, and underneath their costumes, were buffed out to the max. I asked one of them how they made their costumes, and Transformer # 2 told me that he and his friends were:
1) Welders.
2) Had studies armory techniques.
Since I'm a publisher and editor, I decided to attend a couple of panels I found interesting:
1st Panel: The Unholy Trio
This is the third time I have been to the Comicon, and because I am a little more adult than I used to be (yes, this can be debated, but not right now), I decided to attend the panel with three sci-fi giants: Ray Bradbury, Ray Harryhausen, and my friend Forrest J. Ackerman. For those of you who don't know:
1) Ray Bradbury: one of the greatest American authors of all time, and one of the big three of sci-fi writers: Asimov, Bradbury, Heinlein (note, I don't include my favorite, Ellison, because he calls himself a 'speculative fiction' writer... slight difference).
2) Ray Harryhausen: godfather of special effects. He pioneered stop-motion techniques, and is an inspiration to folks like Tim Burton (ala The Nightmare Before Xmas).
3) Forrest J. Ackerman: editor of authors like Ray Bradbury, Robert Heinlein, Andre Norton, and L. Ron Hubbard; writer, publisher, sci-fi/horror movie memorabilia collector, inventor of that famous comic book siren Vampirella, and best known for coining that term for the genre "sci-fi."
Anyway, the history of these men is the stuff of legend. They all met in their late teens and formed the "Cafeteria Club," a literary circle where they and other
famous authors from the old school of sci-fi would  discuss ideas/plots/etc. There is too much to put into this, but since the s u m t o ta l a g e s o f these men is 250 years (I rounded up to the nearest 10), it would've been a CRIME to miss seeing these three giants together. The place was packed! And the conversation was
RIVITING. (Note: Forrey lives in Loz Feliz, and if anyone would like to meet him, let me know, and I can arrange it. He loves to meet new people, and is very charming, erudite, and funny!).
2nd Panel: Science and Technology in Story-telling:
This was a panel of seven authors, two of which I was looking forward to hearing. I was late to the panel, but managed to get in for the question and answer period.
1) No one seemed to be paying attention to the actual discussion topic. When people got up to ask questions, they revealed themselves to be members of the Cult of Fanboy and asked questions that revolved around topics like "when" are you going to come out with a sequel to "blank," and "is there going to be a movie made from 'blank'."
2) Cat fight: The two authors I wanted to hear: Kevin Anderson and Orson Scott Card (yes, he is STILL alive, despite rumors to the contrary) kept sniping at each other like two old queens! Sigh. I lost a little respect for both these guys...but I'll still read their books.
3) Bio-tech is a hot topic for sci-fi writers, so is eugenics and the effects of toxins on the genetics of a population (aka - superpowers derived from radiation, stuff like that).
Comicon should be called "X-boxcon." There were MORE multi-media, and movie studios in the spaces than vendors. The vision of armies of nerds mining their way through cardboard boxes for "comic-book gold" are gone. The last time I was there (1997), the vendors equaled to about 70%. Now it’s more like 30%. Nintendo and Sony took up most of the center space in the 1st floor pavilion, offering interested parties a chance to play the newest adventure games, view upcoming trailers for movies, or just gawk at the actors who were dressed up for photo opps.
This was sad, because it makes me wonder what will happen to comic books...will they disappear like books seem to be. On the plus side, I didn't come home with as much crap as last time: one book (signed 1st edition), one comic book (signed), an Emily the Strange t-shirt, and some artwork (which I will discuss later).
Bad form: you do NOT; under any circumstances pester a comic book writer/illustrator to read your script when they are in the middle of a signing. I couldn't explain this to Ed, who tried to talk up two different authors in the middle of their signings to see if they would take a look at his script. Granted; the poor guy was running on sleep fumes.
Wear comfortable shoes: I'm glad I wore tennis shoes, but my feet STILL hurt after a day of traipsing around on concrete floors, and trying to keep up with Ed - he sure can MOVE fast!
The creator of Sponge-Bob is barely an adult... he looks like he should still be in high-school... and his new cartoon Big Pants Mouse is LAME!
There was an auction for The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. I ended up bidding and winning a:
A) A piece of promotional art designed and signed by Jack Kirby.
B) A proof copy of a Hellboy poster signed by Mike Mignola.
I never thought my first art auction would be at a comic book convention, but the money was for a good cause, and I got a piece of comic book history and a piece of art that will appreciate in value.
Ed and I left finally the convention, and then got lost trying to find the way back to the freeway.
Things about Ed I found out in a short amount of time:
A) He can cuss like a sailor.
B) He YELLS.
C) He has no problem calling someone "stupid" to their face.
D) He has no fear of cops. When we were trying to find someone to ask for directions, I spotted a cop at the intersection we were at. Ed started honking his horn at the cop, who looked IRRITATED, but gave us directions. Ed didn't bother to say thank you, he just drove off.
Ed decided to stop for food.
He ordered a burger.
He kept telling them he wanted cheese on the burger.
When he got the burger, he checked to see if it had cheese, said it didn't and then drove back to the Jack-In-The-Box, where upon looking at his burger again under the light of a street lamp, discovered it HAD cheese after all.
Ed chews with his mouth OPEN...and SMACKS his LIPS...LOUDLY!!!
He made another stop for a soda and some pumpkin seeds.
He chewed the seeds with his mouth OPEN...for the next 50 miles.
No matter WHAT you discuss with Ed, he will turn the conversation into a political one.
A) He cannot say the word "media" without attaching the word "liberal" to it.
B) The Fox Network is journalistically responsible and objective but, unfortunately, they've recently hired a lot of "liberal" journalists.
We tried to have a discussion about how the media keeps perpetuating the fear of the general public to keep up ratings, and he told me that I didn't know what I was talking about.
I asked him if he'd seen any of the post-911 coverage. He said he hadn't, because he's been in grad school, and was too deep in his studies to pay attention.
I asked him if he'd seen any of the coverage of the London bombings, and he said he hadn't been paying attention.
I asked him if he'd ever seen the BBC news reports on the London bombings, to which he replied that the BBC invented Al-jezerra, were pro-Palestine, and that the general public should be VERY afraid of terrorists - they should be terrified.
I fell asleep for almost an hour, but woke to feel the car moving funny. Ed was weaving in and out of the lanes, trying to stay awake - we almost RAN into a guard rail - and then a Honda Civic, and in his haste to get off the freeway after I offered to change places with him, jumped a median strip and cleared the ground by almost 10 feet.
Sigh...
I drove us home, and he SNORED all the way back. By the time we got back to my house I tried to wake him, but left him in his car...key still in the ignition...doors unlocked...snoring away.
and that is that...
PS: I still think Ed is a good guy, and a good friend..., but I will NEVER go anywhere with him again...:)
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