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Stone Cold Jam #3: 54-46 That's My Number
By Greg Crackpot
The Band: Toots and the Maytals
The Album: 54-46 Was My Number: Anthology, 1964-2000
 Is Toots a Maytal? Do the Maytals do their own thing? Toots calls up a Maytal: "Hey, heard you're having people tonight. Why didn't you call I and I?"
To which the Maytal responds: "Dude. It's a Maytals thing, man. We're attending to business. Maytals business, dig?"
So Toots spends a night alone in his room, listening to the carrying on of the Maytals across the compound. Maybe the Wailers are there. And the I-Threes. He tries reading "Valley of the Dolls", but ends up just watching the group scene outside by the swimming pool from in between the louvres of the jalousie window in his bathroom. He goes into the kitchen and finds an old sugar bowl. He puts on a clean shirt, grabs the sugar bowl and heads across the Toots (northside of the pool) and the Maytals (southside of the pool) compound.
 He approaches Nathaniel "Jerry" Mathias, background singer and least rigidly doctrinaire of the Maytals.
Toots: "Hey Jerry. Sport me some sugar, would you? I'm making some snickerdoodles."
Mathias: "Toots, man. I would but, uh, we're kind of in the middle of a party, yo."
Toots: "Oh gosh. I, uh, guess I could go to the store later." His eyes brighten...
"Hey, did I tell you I got an NHL table hockey game? You want to come back to my bungalow and play? It's got Gordy Howe!"
Mathias: "Hey, man. Maybe tomorrow, Toots. You know, I've got all this, uh, Maytals stuff to do."
Toots: "Yeah. Whatever."
Toots goes back to his bungalow, fighting back tears. He slams the door behind him.
"I know, I'll start a NEW band, a new band called Toots and the Toots! Ahhhh, that's stupid!" He throws himself on his bed and cries into his pillow.
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 "54-46 That's My Number" was written soon after Toots had a stint in the pokey. But that's not why it's a Stone Cold Jam. No. Pokies inspired few Stone Cold Jams, unless you are Johnny Cash or Toots and the Maytals. (Johnny used to spend his Christmas holidays in Jamaica. So he is almost a Maytal). Of course, the subject of AVOIDING prison has produced some Stone Cold Jams -- "Ride Like the Wind" by Christopher Cross anyone? I think Toots and the Maytals manage to turn this prison tune into one COLD COLD FUNKY STONE COLD JAM by sounding so goddamn happy in spite of themselves.
The lyrics make it clear that the Jamaican pokey is no place to be if you are a sensitive type. Lots of regimentation and yelling. And rape. Lots and lots of tropical rape.
But Toots is all smiles and bouncy rock steadiness and soul shouting vocals. I guess he's happy to be out.
And that's a Stone Cold Jam.
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