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I Have Some Notes on the WGA’s 101 Best Screenplays
By Dave Crackpot
For the most part I think this is a pretty good list. They got some stuff right and got some stuff dead wrong. I have some notes.
It was a fun night and I have to admit that I was a little startstuck to be around the greats. George Lucas (not a Gen-X male in the world can be blasé about that.. I tried.. but I stared anyhoos.) Buck Henry not only the genius but also the co-creator of the best Sit-Com ever… “Get Smart”. The cuke roast beef apps were outta this world. Yet... could have used some Horsey Sauce. As with these kind of “list” things there is gonna be some hit and misses. So I Cliff Notes the list for you.
 #1. Casablanca. My parents won a laser disc player at a raffle (a $400 prize at the time). The TV Shoppe on North Main was the only place that carried laser discs. We got three discs – “Victory at Sea,” “Rocky” and “Casablanca.” I have still never gotten through “Victory at Sea” but for hours I would re-watch the end of “Casablanca” and “Rocky” till I knew every word.. The famous scene that ends with “Here’s looking at you, kid” smash cuts to an angry Kraut driving his car like a madman and blasting his horn. But while the dialogue of “that famous scene” is brilliant, it isn’t my favorite interchange in the flick. It’s when Bogart talks to Lazlo right before he gives them the letters of transit.
Paraphrased:
Bogart: Elsa tried to prove she was still in love with me and I let her pretend
Lazlo: I understand.
That’s the nicest way to tell someone you fucked his wife last night. Another note: When Bogart says “I’m the only cause I’m interested in” it is a plagiarism from “Gone With the Wind”
#2 “The Godfather” while I later appreciated the flick for all it’s other geniuses.. it was the first movie I ever saw with boobies in it. My Dad was showing off as he was the first in the family to get HBO and invited everyone over. I saw my first pair of boobies with my grandmother.
#7 “Sunset Blvd.” My pal Greg worked at the Video Store on Olympic Blvd and has pretty much watched every movie ever made prior to 1987. At 17 or so, he called me up all excited… “You gotta see this flick ‘Sunset Blvd’ it’s nuts… they have a funeral for a monkey in the first fifteen minutes” This is when I realized Greg’s genius.
 #9 “Network” The line “Do you know what it’s like waking up in the morning and realizing you are closer to the end than to the beginning?” That always chills me. Also I dated an uber consumed career gal once who regularly pre-maturely orgasmed. I didn’t even have to be there. I thought it was funny thing some writer thought up when I first saw it, but when it became my reality…it’s sooo different.
 #10 “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” A lot of folks don’t give this crisp, tight screenplay the credit it deserves. It’s the first “Guy” movie and most of my friends would prefer to go out like Butch and Sundance than having a doctor tell them “We need to run some more tests (see #64).” Butch, Sundance and Katherine Ross have great dialogue to commit to. If you read the script, it’s is the “action” flick that stays truest to the writer’s vision.
#15 “The Apartment” I saw it for the first time the other night. Shirley McClaine’s monologue in the Chinese Restaurant blew me away. She rants on horrific romantic pain and ends it with “This isn’t very good shrimp.” As we tend to do.
#20 “It’s a Wonderful Life” I am so numb to this flick it doesn’t even count anymore. Whatever Zuzu.
#21 “North By Northwest” the brilliance of this movie can be summed up by Martin Landau’s smug test of the censors. “Just call it my Women’s Intuition.” Also the train scene with Eva Marie Saint and Cary Grant just makes me horny. It’s the most incredible synergy (do people still use that word?) of acting and writing ever. “It’s gonna be a long night and I don’t particularly like the book I just started.” Means nothing on paper, until the right actress speaks it.
#24 “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” Charlie Kaufman is one of the best “original” writers represented on the list with three. The whole concept is fantastic, funny and tragic.
 #27 “Groundhog Day” beats out #28 “Shakespeare in Love.” TAKE THAT SNOOTY SHAKESPEARE FOLKS! You think you know brilliance, you snobs.
#31 “His Girl Friday” The dialogue moves so fast in this flick, it deserves several viewings. My favorite bit is when the mayor says “Here’s $20 and a condom” to Pennybone.. delivered so fast it got right by the censors. I respect that.
#56 “Back to the Future?” Sure you mean that? Even more shocking when you consider:
#57 “Crime and Misdemeanor” Without a doubt, Woody Allen’s greatest flick. Alan Alda’s capture of the words was his chance at an Academy Award. Rent this under-appreciated classic again. With all that’s going on in the world, this movie is timeless. Remember if it “Bends” it’s funny. So much is broken these days.
#62 Moonstruck. Didn’t see it, don’t care. I did like “Moonraker” though.
#64 “Terms of Endearment” wiggles it’s way between “Jaws” and “Singin’ in the Rain”. At the risk of ruffling some feathers at home… I HATE THIS MOVIE. When Melville wrote Moby Dick at first it was all about Ishmael. But then, Melville found this more interesting character named “AHAB”… and Ahab becomes the focus of the story. The first two acts, for a melodrama, are quite entertaining. But James L. Brooks couldn’t let go of his Ishmael, when he had two mighty Ahabs. The story between McClaine and Nicholson is brilliant… now THERE is story. BUT he couldn’t return and release his Ishmael story. Well, let’s just kill her. And bring the kids in the hospital room and try and push some buttons. It’s cheap writing. Want to touch me with a personal story that ends in tragedy? Show me “Pride of the Yankees” (not on the list) again. Even the most self absorbed can’t help but get “that lump” when they hear “Today… Today…. Today…”
#84 “The Princess Bride” More quotables than Caddyshack. Wally Shawn sucks the life into every sentence.
 #88 “Field of Dreams” This movie sucks. This movie is the most self congratulatory button pushing hunk of steaming crap I have ever seen. First of all the dialogue is terrible. “Dad, you wanna have a catch?”. You PLAY catch. You HAVE a catch in PRISON! Joe Jackson was an illiterate in real life and becomes some poet in the movie.
Early on Kevin Costner’s character says “I went to college, but just mostly majored in the 60’s.” Boomers gotta message for you. You abandoned your values upon graduation and spent the rest of your lives patting yourself on the back. For a REAL SCRIPT about Baseball and father figures … watch the original BAD NEWS BEARS.
#93 “Do the Right Thing” what’s a man got to do to get some respect? Number 93? And “Crash” wins best picture?
Some folks who didn’t make the list that I am happy about:
“Dances With Wolves”
“Driving Miss Daisy”
“The Lord of the Rings” Movies
Any Shakespeare Flick
Some I would have liked to seen on the list. (Nora Ephron ranted about this too… but she mentioned “Bringing Up Baby,” which is entertaining but makes my butt itch.)
“Reservoir Dogs”
“The Pride of the Yankees”
“Something Wild”
“After Hours”
“Lost in Translation” (perhaps too new)
“Kramer Vs. Kramer”
“The Lost Weekend”
“The Bad News Bears”
“A River Runs Through It”
And, of course, the fave from the laser disc player.. “Rocky.” If you didn’t see “Rocky” in it’s original release.. you don’t know what I am talking about. Never in movie history has a script literally gotten a general audience off their feet. It came out in time right after Vietnam and Watergate. Rocky comes out of nowhere to take out a loudmouth rich boy wearing American Flag trunks. It was the closest thing to a rising of the people that you will ever see. Of course, the later sequels and the Rambo franchise ruined the majesty of this original flick.
Oh, and “Caddyshack.”
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