Watching television requires a suspension of disbelief. We know that things have to happen in a certain way, in a particular time frame, and that it isn't always possible to pay attention to the little day-to-day stuff like the rest of us have to. But sometimes there are things that only occur on television that really irk me. So, in no particular order, I’ve listed my pet peeves of television:

1. People always drink coffee out of empty cups. Allegedly they just bought (or poured) a full cup, and yet they’re waving their arm around holding that full cup, taking huge gulps of a hot liquid.
2. That is, when they’re drinking at all. Only television and movie characters go into a coffee shop, order coffee, and then take off without it (after receiving some kind of important clue).
3. Everyone has wireless laptops. Need some info? Not a problem, just pull out your laptop (from where? Where are they keeping these laptops?) and access the internet lickety spit. Even in the middle of the desert, a wireless hook up is no problem.
4. Kids do a million things before school. Meet dad at the diner, work at the quickie-mart, solve an important case…all before 8am.
5. Characters take forever to answer their phones, and yet the caller doesn’t hang up and the phone doesn’t go to voicemail.
6. No one ever fumbles with their key ring to find the front door key and get in it the lock. In fact, they don't appear to use keys at all. They just sort of touch the doorknob and it opens.
7. No one ever keeps anything in their purse or backpack. Need your keys? Keeping an important piece of evidence in there? No problem - just reach in and get it. Completely fumble-around-free.
8. No one waits for an elevator unless it's pivotal to the plot. Usually the elevator opens as soon as they get there.
9. Everyone gets rock star parking in front of their destination.
10. ...and rock star tables in busy cafes. As soon as our character enters the establishment, someone vacates a prime seat. And notice that no one else was waiting for that table, because that would make our characters cutters.

I want to live in TV Land, where I would have plenty of free time, never have a bad back, and could always find my cell phone. Now, if only I could get a casting director.

Read more Karen at primetimetv.suite101.com, www.industrynexus.com, or visit her at MySpace.com/KarenWoodward

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