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GMA Desperate fror Celebs
Written by Dave Howard   

So desperate to sex up the Sun Valley fire, GMA shows this graphic. Can you see a bloated celeb list?

GMA Celeb List

 
The True Meaning of the 4th of July
Written by Administrator   

INT. BURGER JOINT 1988

Two teenagers are working. Lisa, the 18ish blondish, white booted, white tanked, white lip glossed cashier starts dancing to “4th of July” by X on the radio. Dave, with drooping bangs he would kill for 20 years later, sweats over a burgerless grill, trying to remove the meat that gets in between the grill thingies. Fruitless, he smokes it. All of it.

LISA

‘Are they singing “Hey Baby, It’s the 4th of July” Cause that’s today.

DAVE

You know they aren’t all that happy….in fact…

LISA

(Flouncing)

HEEEEEY. BABY IT”S THE FOURTH OF JULY!

Dave cleans grill, realizing it will be five years before he can buy her wine coolers. Window's gone. He'll never reach her.

 

 

 

 
Ah, Time for the Playoffs
Written by Dave Howard   

 

Ah, the debates.

It’s awesome that they are taking place on the last day of a very dramatic MLB season. Especially with the Bay Area hippy A’s facing off with George Bush’s Texas Redneck Super Christian Rangers, who have lost the last two world series.

Politics is similar to baseball.

 
No Deal.No Fans. No Monday Night.
Written by Dave Howard   


I am kind of ashamed of myself.
I am Pro-Union.
I supported the WGA strike.
I was shocked at the Union Busting in Wisonsin.
I was on Team Coco.
I don't read HuffPo anymore because they the prime example of why we need unions. One person makes 100s of millions by exploiting her "employees"

Yet, I haven't gotten behind the refs.I am now.

 
Why the HELL does Mitt Romney Keep Coming to California?
Written by Dave Howard   

Mitt Romney has been spending a lot of time in California. No GOP presidential candidate, let alone a president, has spent this much time on California streets since Reagan died. If they visit Northern California they are burned in effigy or have their motorcades because of their despicable record on AIDS and civil rights. If they visit Southern California they are treated with more blasé than the first three innings of a Dodgers game. As Conan points out, we know REAL famous people and don’t need him. We don’t even need Obama when we have Gwen Stefani, Jack Nicholson and Bob Saget?

 
Experimental Marionette Troupe to Launch U.S. Tour
Written by Greg Mills   
Image
San Francisco Mayor,Gavin Newsome, is taking his show on the road.

The improvising puppet ensemble, "John Cage Memorial Marionette Touring Theatre" will take off next week on 135-city U.S. tour of abandoned copier shops. This report came from Gavin Newsome, former pole dancer and mayor of San Francisco. Newsome, recently shamed by an illicit affair with former mayor Willy Brown's hat, has left his post as mayor and decided to act as tour manager/dresser for this ground breaking tour.

 
Own it Baby!
Written by Administrator   

After having some time to reflect on the RNC convention, the biggest quote to stick with me was Jeb Bush’s “Mr. President stop blaming my brother… A real leader takes responsibility.”

 

What a flaming piece of dog doo.

Every Presidency has had scores and misses, some more so than others.  Jeb Bush obviously doesn’t know much about American history because to my knowledge only two Presidents in my lifetime have ever taken ownership of bad times.

Let’s review some great American Presidential “ownership” moments from my lifetime.

 

 
My Sandwich Artist is A Genius
Written by David Howard   

 

 

I was feeling Edvard “Munch”ie

Cezzane and Van Gock, the Retsina fueled mad cap frat boys who left their abrasions on the Sistine Chapel, need to rise from the grave to reach a higher goal.

My world was rocked on Tuesday, when I pilgrimaged into my local Subway Restaurant. I had braved the rain for their “2 for 1 when it rains” special and discovered my muse.

 
Conan and a Few Barbarians
Written by Dave Howard   

 

In this bit, the Conan folks send Deon Cole, an African-American writer to the Republican National Convention in Tampa. As can be expected he sorta stood out like “a black man in (Conan’s) audience.” This can be expected when one travels to a land of snazzy Animal House ties and serial killer buzzcuts.

 
It's the Civil Rights Game.. Are We Forgetting Something?
Written by Crackpot   

The Civil Rights Game

Since 2007, Major League Baseball has been hosting an annual Civil Rights Game. It celebrates the breaking of the color barrier some 65 years ago and everyone celebrates how much diversity Major League Baseball has brought to the world. In its short history, it has been hosted twice in Atlanta, Memphis and Cincinnati. All three are hotbeds of continued divisiveness. The first Civil Rights game was the St. Louis Cardinals vs. the Cleveland Indians. An interesting choice, as the Indians have the most racist mascot in all of sports.

Now, the MLB does deserve some props and the All-American Pastime has become more of a world sport. Sure, minorities are not well represented in the front offices, and I believe Magic Johnson is the first black owner, or at least the PR face, of a ball club. It does evolve, probably not as fast some folks want, but it does better than other front-facing industries for example, the Movie and Television industry.

But

 
The Paul Ryan Interview.
Written by Crackpot   

Paul Ryan Super HunkVice Presidential Candidate, Paul Ryan, took some time out to sit down in the Crackpot Press offices. We found him to be really charming, in fact one of the nicest folks we have ever met, regardless that we agree on pretty much.. nothing. His Don Draperesque good looks and bro comfortableness are very disarming. Like most media outlets, and media viewers, it wasn’t until we transcribed this interview that we actually heard what he said.

Crackpot Press: Hi. Wow, thanks for making us one your first in depth interview. Let’s just start with the obvious. That’s a great shirt, where do you get them?

Paul Ryan: I’m a Brooks Brothers guy. But I only get them at outlet stores and in the clearance section of BrooksBrothers.com. Gotta look good for less these days. I also get my ties there, if you put together a Windsor knot it’s gotta be a tie worth it. I put two in your gift basket.

 
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