By popular demand, I will discuss the Mile High Club. First, I have to tell you that it is somewhat overrated. If you think about it - or have joined the club – you know what I mean. In theory it’s a good idea. You’re cool, you’re deviant, you’re a bad ass. You’re part of the goddamn Mile High Club! But, the reality is that it’s a little uncomfortable. Personally, I can’t get off while crammed up against a sink with my foot in the toilet. Nevertheless, it is worth it.

Most people ask me if I was nervous that people would see my boyfriend and I both go into the bathroom. Well, you don’t go into the bathroom at the exact same time, you have to stagger. The trick is to go during the movie, when no one is really paying attention, and only the people in the aisle seats are likely to use the bathroom. (The theory being that the middle and window seaters don’t want to bother their seatmates who are probably watching the movie.  Thus, you have eliminated 2/3 of the potential spotters). So, for those who are counting, you’ve already learned two very important things: #1. Stagger. #2. Movie.

When person A goes into the bathroom, person B must keep their eye on them, to see which lavatory they entered, and must hurry there ASAP. It wouldn’t do to have someone else accidentally joining your sweetie in the bathroom because it was marked vacant. So you’ve gotta haul your ass back there. Or, up there if you’re in first class, which is problematic because everyone is facing you. Therefore, my humble suggestion to you first classers is to slum it in the coach lavatories.  So, #3. Haul ass.

Okay, you’re in. Hi honey. It’s cramped. Kiss kiss, oof my foot.  Okay, this is fun. This is deviant. This is sexy! Well, okay maybe not so much. Kiss kiss, etc etc, How shall we do this? What if we moved here, and pulled off this…you get the idea. There’s logistics involved. Not that it isn’t sexy and fun in its own way. Hence, #4.Logistics. #4a. Girls: wear a skirt.

Which leaves #5 of course as getting out of the bathroom. And in this case, you don’t have a lot of choice. Person A goes out, and if you’re lucky, no one is waiting for the bathroom, and B follows about 30 seconds behind. If there is someone waiting for the bathroom, then you’re caught. Therefore, #5 is simply, Leave.

So there you have it. Now I have something that I can print out for those who ask me how I did it and if I was nervous. Hell yes I was nervous; I almost chickened out, but hey, I joined the club. Call me a bad ass.

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