I'm calling you out, Harriet Klausner.

Your reign as the #1 reviewer at Amazon.com has been a little too smug, a little too righteous, a little too goddamn long. Someone needs to stop you. And that someone is me.

So some would say that the fact you've reviewed 15178 books means something, like you are too crazy and too focused to be taken down by a mope like me. Some would point to your claim of reading two books a day as evidence of some unworldly singlemindedness. Well, some people are bed wetting babies.

I'm taking your shit down, Harriet.

True, I've only posted 45 reviews, and you, like goddamn crazy maniac cat lady, have posted over fifteen thousand. And true, some of my reviews are for lesser stars in the Amazon universe, and some aren't what you'd call sincere.

But listen to me now, dollface, I've been only playing up until now. I'm the 10,693rd highest ranked reviewer, considering that's out of 75 BILLION customers, that's not too shabby. If I apply myself, there is no goddamn reason in creation that you won't feel my hot breath on your heels come April.

You make me angry, Harriet. Angry and driven.

I will not cease from mental fight, nor shall my keyboard sleep in my hand, till I have kicked Harriet's ass, on the fields of Amazon.com.

Editor's Note: For those who believe in quality over quantity... We have included some snippets of Greg Mills most honest forthright reviews---

With Stalin: Memoirs : A white hot exploration of transgressive love!

The Shape of Things to Come: looks like something cooked up by a Sarah Lawrence undergrad in an end-of-term panic.

Christ Illusion: SLAYERIFFIC! So, up with Satan! We  have a solid, if predictable, Slayer product.

Ren and Stimpy: Skeevy is a powerful word. It could describe a blind date with a coldsore, or a used mattress, or Newark.

and of course, the REVIEW THAT WAS TOO HOT FOR AMAZON!

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