Finally, Magic Johnson has surfaced through the sweaty hordes of jackass Non-Angelenos to save the Dodgers. He’s got work to do. But at least he understands the town.

This will be my first year in five that I won’t have a Dodgers ticket package. It’s a hassle, expensive and frankly, just not any fun anymore.

Here’s what Magic needs to do:

Love LA, Kick Out The Bums

For 50 years the ghosts of the Brooklyn Bums have lived in Dodger Stadium. The merchandise is everywhere, the tributes are endless and their “fans” are just waiting for October to put on a Yankee hat.

It’s time to kick them out. The LA Dodgers of recent memory could have existed in any town with ties stronger to the East Coast than to its L.A. roots. The only folks who are nostalgic about the Brooklyn Dodgers are bunch of transplants who pops and granddads still hate the Dodgers for leaving. So let’s tone that shit down. We left for a younger, sexier town now let's stop talking about the porriged-faced ex-wife. She was a loser.

Unlike other New York transplants, the team should blend into the cityscape. Not bitch about pizza while blocking my January sunshine. And this startz with a head coach who has his office decorated like a shrine to New York City.

Retire #34

We’ve been over this. Not since Don Sutton in 1998 has a Los Angeles Dodger number been retired. What better place to start than with Dodger royalty Fernando Valenzuela? If you go to the games regularly Fernando-mania is alive and well. The mere mention of his name or one of his regular personal appearances send shockwaves through Chavez Ravine. Since Fox took over not a single number has been retired and there is a long list. Fernando, Orel, Maury, Steve all deserve a place up in stadium. There have been enough greats in the last 50 years to knock the bums off their mark. It’s like the two previous owners — McCorrupt and Fox — weren’t proud of their team’s legacy.

Better Food with Real Deliciousness

Here’s a challenge for Magic, grab to seats in the upper deck with only $20 and see what you come away with. The food upstairs in bland, boring and expensive. Also the staff on the top deck, while well-meaning, is not the brightest bunch of folks. I don’t know what the McCourt logic was, but he would send home employees so lines were always really, really long. It shouldn’t take 2 innings to get $45 worth of beer and hot dogs.

Cheap Parking
This is a sore spot for the fans. The first year I got a season plan, I was shocked to see the $15 parking. That was more than a pair of tickets for the game. After that, the fan-management relationship went real sour, real fast. By the time Joe Torre retried McCourt was being booed louder than Barry Bonds ever was. Really, it was pretty harsh when Torre tried to thank him in public.

While we’re at it, ditch the Bullshit Fees

Did you know there is a ticket charge for buying your ticket on the day of the game? You may remember this but not so long ago, the Dodgers wouldn’t even use Ticketmaster because they had bullshit fees. Ya know the good ole days.

Give Us Something to Cheer About

And not those Chinese made backbacks and gym bags. Those were terrible, I had to watch a kid's face crumble with heartbreak as his new Dodger backpack disintegrated in front of him. Wow, what a great metaphor for the McCourt years. Give us fun and invested players (remember Jamey Carroll and Ryan Theriot). The team isn’t that bad, it just lacks passion and that’s what we come for. The Fan base has become so disillusioned that it sells OTHER TEAMS STUFF at the Top of the Park.

It is time for the Dodger fans to get something.

Give. Give Give.

And we will give back.

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