INSIDE CPP!

I Can't Even Fantasize Correctly.
Written by Greg Mills   
Monday, 25 August 2008

ImageWe now present theswan song of the now defunct Bastard of Art and Commerce . Now don't worry, I will continue to rip off his blog as there are years of unpublished high quality content. Frankly, the prolific (with nearly 500 posts) Mr. Mills has quit his blog several times during his illustrious fourish year blog career. Extremely high quality stuff, take a moment to dance with your brain at  the Bastard of Art and Commerce . So a toast to Greg Mills, the richest blogger I know. You can become a fan of Greg Mills at Facebook, here.

I was walking Chewie (who attacked a man yesterday) up in the highlands of Berkeley yesterday, past the massive Arts and Crafts redwood "cottages" that house world renowned experts in various disciplines I've never heard of, when I entered a gentle revelry, something like "I want a big fucking house like that shit right there."

Because I am a wooly headed ninny, I started going through scenarios of things I could do that wouldn't require any work, yet could cause me to be insanely wealthy. So, you know, the California lottery featured pretty big there. That and getting gout or shingles from some product, then suing the company that produced. But the Lottery would require a lot less work, so I stuck to the lottery.

Last Updated ( Monday, 25 August 2008 )
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A New Retired Number
Written by Administrator   
Saturday, 23 August 2008
ImageWe have a new retired number. We haven’t done this in a while, but as we mentioned we don’t just give these out. Crackpot Press is very strict on our criteria. It took us months to agree on this one. Well, it took us months to find the right pairing. A crackpot is a rare breed and we don’t want to cheapen the process. 

For George Carlin, we bestow number 36, the same as Gaylord Perry.

Last Updated ( Saturday, 23 August 2008 )
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Kate Crash Poetry
Written by Kate Crash   
Thursday, 07 February 2008

ImageKate Crash, the most entertaining thing on earth, is back again with some poems! 

 

Na nah nahh
I’m better than u

Bored @ the laundramat

He say
“you don’t finish much.”
I say
“hey, you’re old and out of luck.”
He say
“why don’t we huh?”
I say
“maybe one day never bup!”
he scuffles his feet and his face grows rose
I say
“I’m out of you’re league but I’ll kiss ya for a twenteeee.”
Hmmm. Smiles. I get my gumball from the machine.

He scratches his stubble

Last Updated ( Thursday, 14 February 2008 )
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Kate Crash: Live From Tokyo
Written by Kate Crash   
Tuesday, 19 August 2008

ImageKate Crash can also be found at Kate Crash Music.

She recently took it to the land of the rising sun, for a long performance tour.

 Here are some highlights...put up against her tune "Lez Get Criminal:

Last Updated ( Saturday, 23 August 2008 )
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Olympic Objectification
Written by Administrator   
Monday, 18 August 2008

kerri walsh misty may rippedThe number one question I have been asked lately is “Why do the women wear bikinis at the beach volleyball events?” This is usually accompanied by a sneer that implies that I only watch the sport for the T&A.

To which I always respond “You mean their uniforms? You don’t ask ‘Why does a ballplayer wear stirrups?’ It’s part of the uniform. 

My girlfriend and my best gal pal have both put me through the grinder on the objectification of women in sports. .It has been a dizzying onslaught of Platonic argument after argument that I simply can’t win.

Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 )
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Happy Birthday Kate Crash!
Written by Administrator   
Thursday, 14 August 2008

Today is Kate Crash's birthday!

Happy Birthday Kate!

 You can read her crackpottery here . Hit Read more to see a her live from a Tokyo Subway.

Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 )
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The Yamashiro Incident
Written by Dave Howard   
Friday, 08 August 2008

ImageA few years back, I went to a BBQ. There was this guy I went to college with who I always thought was a bit of a tool. Not in a bad way, just too big for his britches.

Anyways he said the oddest thing. “One night we were having a poker night and everyone just sat around telling their best ”Dave” stories. 

Meaning me.  This was a group of guys whose names I faintly remembered/

Really? 

He rattled off a few. And I guess those were pretty funny. But why in the hell would I end up being the headline subject of an evening where money was at stake?

Last Updated ( Monday, 11 August 2008 )
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Syndicate

Music

You wish you had my taste in music. You WISH.
I have EXTREMELY GOOD TASTE IN MUSIC.

Here are some AMAZING FUCKING CDs that I have deemed worthy. I have withheld some titles – hell, DOZENS of titles -- so you may enjoy the list without experience life threatening DIARRHEA brought on by too much mind raping AESTHETIC RICHNESS.

Feast your eyes, lube your ears and you may learn something.

One more thing: you disgust me.

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FLIX

MAXED OUT: THE CARDS ARE STACKED

Orignially written for Film Radar  

There is something in your pants that can burn you. Specifically, it’s in your wallet. A new film by James Scurlock, MAXED OUT, takes an in-depth look at how the credit card companies have exploited the definitions of credit to cater to the self-entitlement of the American consumer.

One thing the Bush Years will be positively remembered for is the emergence of op-ed documentary filmmaking. MAXED OUT takes a humorous yet tragic look into the lives of those who are ensnared in the credit quagmire.  James Scurlock’s style is efficient, straightforward filmmaking that cuts right to the heart. There isn’t the unnecessary eye candy of “ENRON- Smartest Guys In The Room” to soften the blow of the real damage these largely unregulated companies inflict. He simply lets his subjects tell their story. This film is a wake up call for the rest of us. MAXED OUT deserves to be the most talked about film of the year.

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FICTION

STOP! A Look At Los Angeles

 Despite the weather, L.A. is often a chilly, brisk town. It’s strictly divided between the haves and the have nots and it’s hard to keep to pace with everything that is changing about you. God forbid should you talk to your neighbors. For the most part, people stick to their neighborhoods and cower behind locked doors. 

Friday was my first day off in a while.. It was an errands-palooza kinda day.  I drove over to the west side for a Doctor’s appointment and brought some early lunch  to a friend recovering from a gimpy leg.  He asked me if I wanted to catch a flick, but, no, it was my first day off in a while and I had stuff to do. Wanted to get some writing done.. needed a car wash.. I’ve been real busy and wanted to tackle those loads upon loads of laundry  (ah-hah! That’s where that smell has been coming from!) that had been piling up. This reminded me I was a week late in picking up my dry-cleaning and needed to get that before Subir hocked it. I needed some dishes out of the sink.

Today, I’m NOT gonna be irresponsible. Got shit to do. Today I am laundry doin, dry cleaning picking up, crazy bitch with a dish cloth, mad ass duster, closet organizing, Armor Alling freak.  By the end of the day, everything that had slid since the first of the year was going to be done.

So I skip out around noon or so, proud of myself that I was sticking to my day off schedule.  Traffic was moving great up the Sepulveda Pass,  and I screech on the breaks. 

And stopped.

 

 

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OPINION

GROUCHES AND CHAMPIONS!
Well, mostly Grouches.  Crackpot Greg made a kick ass new viral… uh, thing. Discovered a new artist on My Space named DC Fontana. She wanted to be MY friend Then it turned out to be these guys doing this wacky 60’s Mod “Blow Up” kind thing. I kind of felt like dancing like a moron in my underpants. It doesn't take much for that to happen. Saw this great flick (review soon) called CHICAGO 10. It’s an animated documentary on the Chicago 7 (or ten, if you count Bobby Seale and the two lawyers). Between LBJ and George Bush I have decided that no one who is or pretends to be from Texas should ever darken the Lincoln Bedroom Again. And I am from the state that brought you Nixon and Reagan. Speaking of w hicScrew Ron Paul. THERE ! I’ve said it.
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FACT

Demand Better Consumerism -- Dell Computers

This is the first of a Three Part Series. First on the chopping Block-- Dell Computers -- CP 

WHAT GOOD IS IT TO LIVE IN A CONSUMER SOCIETY IF THE CONSUMER ISN’T IMPORTANT?

I’m not one these “consumerism is evil” people.  I am a proud average American consumer.  I consume funky new gadgets and fine wine.  I consume shoes and shirts made in sweat shops (not on purpose!!!!).  I consume popular culture and fast food.  I consume commodities of all shapes and sizes.  I consume various and sundry nourishments from the Gonzo food pyramid.  I consume things that I don't need but want.  Yes, I am the average American consumer. 

Tap “consumerism” into Google and you will bring up five million sites with essays/action groups/or whatever telling us how consumerism is THE big evil of our times – as if it didn’t exist before.  With names like “Overcoming Consumerism,” “Anti-Consumerism,” “Enough Consumerism,” and all sorts of other clever titles these sites try to sell you on the idea that selling is bad.  The ultimate anti-consumerism crusade was called “communism,” and I think we all know how well that went.  The reason communism will never work is because we are human beings, not the Borg.  Yes, spiritual enlightenment is a noble pursuit, just as philosophy and love are, but have you ever ridden in a Ferrari?  They rock. 
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Sports!

Good Girls vs. Bad Grrrls

It was announced today that Elaine Youngs and Nicole Branagh have clinched the number 2 spot for the U.S. Olympic Beach Volleyball Team.

Now, I really don’t have anything against these two. Branagh has been a spitfire all season. EY has been EY; fearless, fierce and simply the hardest working woman in all of Pro-Beach Volleyball. They’ve earned it. The combustion between these two is enough for a hundred beach weenie roasts.

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Schweet Schwag

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Dick Hollywood's Bottomless Flask

What is Dick Hollywood Hiding?

Dick Hollywood, the usually reclusive Hollywood Insider, was snagged by a papparazzo outside a trendy LA eatery.

Click more for Video

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RETIRED NUMBERS

 

 

Image

We don’t just give these out to just anyone.


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